What if Beethoven
Had Been Forced to Retire at 65
by
Harold Richman
BEETHOVEN is summoned by the Burgermeister of Vienna.
"Please come in, Ludwig."
"Eh?"
PLEASE COME IN, LUDWIG. How has your new Symphony No. 9 in D minor been received?"
"Very well indeed."
"I am glad to hear that, but I still like the theme of the 5th better. I keep humming it to myself all day. Da Da Da, Dum! Da Da Da, Dum! The council has asked me to congrat-ulate you on your 65th birthday."
"Thank you very much, but I have been so busy composing I completely forgot."
"Yes, I am sure you have been busy. However I have also been asked to remind you that we now have a new regulation. It requires everyone to retire when they reach their 65th birthday. So as of tomorrow, no more composing."
"What if I promise not to listen to my compositions.?"
"Sorry, that won't be acceptable."
"But I am still working on my 10th symphony. If I don't complete it, everyone will call it Beethoven's Unfinished Symphony, and my friend, Schubert, has already written one by that name. It would be very confusing!"
Two hundred years later, an American admirer went to Vienna to pay homage to the great composer. He asked the taxi driver, "Do you know where Beethoven's grave is located?"
He replied, "Of course. Everyone in Vienna knows."
When they arrived at the cemetery the taxi driver stopped at the entrance and pointed to a mausoleum located on the top of a hill. He said, "That is where he is interred."
The American trudged up the hill. As he came closer, he thought he could hear music emanating from the mausoleum. With great effort he pried the door open. He slipped inside and, after his eyes became adjusted to the dim light, he was amazed to see — Beethoven! Sitting at his piano — decomposing!
