Insurance for the Hereafter
by
Sam Loschiavo
(This is a take-off on an assignment for a story that was to begin with the words, "What should I buy with my first pension check?" The recipient seeks direction from a higher source.)
He implored the deity saying, "What should I buy with my first pension check?"
A mighty voice from the highest rafters of the temple echoed from every corner, booming down on the humble mortal. "Wicked sinner that you are. You dare to plead for guidance on earthly matters of money?"
The disheartened creature cried out, "Yes. I know I am unworthy of your attention, Oh Mighty One, but not having received a pension check before, I know not what to do. Please help me."
"Are you truly penitent for your transgressions against your fellow human being and other creatures on earth?" boomed the voice.
"Oh, yes, Mighty Master," squeaked the mortal.
"And are you truly penitent for your past iniquities, my impure son?" continued the voice.
"Oh, yes, All-powerful Prophet."
"Are you willing to make a sacrifice to prepare your unworthy self for purification and salvation?"
"Indeed I am, Oh Holy One."
"Then you must root out the evil that lurks in your heart. To do this you must sign over the check to the guardian of this temple and leave it on the altar. Bring your second pension check in one month from now, at which time you will receive further instructions for your continued salvation. And, oh yes, do not forget your pen."