Lincoln
by
Harold Richman
"Mr. President, the Chief Justice is here to see you on a very important matter.""Ask him to come right in."
"Good of you to see me on such short notice, Abe."
"Not at all, Nathanael, it's always a pleasure to see you."
"How have you and Mary been since I saw you at the State Dinner for the French Ambassador?"
"Very well, indeed. In fact, Mary and I are going to the theatre tonight to celebrate my 65th birthday."
"That is precisely why I am here. Last year a new law was passed that made it compulsory for everyone to retire upon reaching their 65th birthday. It was assumed that the law would only apply to citizens that were gainfully employed. The supreme court was asked to study the legislation, and we have just come to a unanimous conclusion that the law also applies to all elected officials including the President of the United States of America. So, as of midnight tonight, you will have to resign. Your Vice-President, Andrew Johnson, will be sworn in tomorrow at noon."
"This is indeed an unexpected turn of events. I was just making some notes on the back of this envelope for a speech I was to make on November 19th. I had just come up with a great first paragraph: Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. I guess there is no point in finishing the speech now."
"Abe, you will now have to give some thought to what you will do once you retire."
"Well, I guess I can always go back to just splitting rails instead of splitting infinitives!"
"That's very good, Abe. You always had a way with words. See you at the inauguration tomorrow."
"Nathanael, would you please ask my secretary to come in so I can apprise her of this new development?"
"Betty, I have just been informed that, according to the legislation passed last year, having reached my 65th birthday, I will have to retire as of midnight tonight."
"The whole country will be sad to hear that news. Mr. President, you have one last appointment this afternoon. There is a gentleman waiting to see you on a very pressing matter, a Mr. Booth."
"Well, there is no point in my seeing him now. You can advise him that I will make an appointment for him with President Johnson next week. I am sure he will be happy to see him in my stead."