Oh, Baby
by
Jack Francis
Here we go again. She's swinging me way up there into that chair with the giraffe legs and the drop-down tray that turns it into an unbearable trap for the young and the restless. As if that isn't uncomfortable enough, next comes the tacky, plastic bib with Babar the elephant all over it. Yes, it must be time for another big food fight.
That sticky, orange stuff made a nice design on the wall yesterday. What artistic materials does she have for me today? That yukky, yellow stuff looked good on the ceiling, but it didn't have much staying power; kept falling off. It was neat when some of it plopped right onto her head though. I liked that, that was funny. And when her face transmogrified to that bright, red color? Wow! That was really neat.
Then when I laughed, she quickly switched from mad to glad, somehow, and she laughed too. I've noticed that a lot about her, she can't seem to resist my gurgly laugh. It breaks her up.
I've become very good at ejecting just about anything she spoons into my mouth out of those little jars with the dopey baby on the label. That also causes her to make the oddest faces, all creased forehead, down-turned mouth and bright, bright eyes. How does she do that? It sure is amusing and makes me laugh every time. Of course, that just causes me to wave my arms about in glee. And, of course, I knock the spoon out of her hand and it lands on the dog.
Such a loyal friend, the dog. He likes to sit by my chair to help her clean up the floor. And when he looks up at us with those sad eyes, with that sloppy stuff running down his nose and ears, well, you better believe it, I'm laughing my Pampers off. And then she has to laugh, too. Is this eating time fun or what?
You have to hand it to her, though, she's getting quite adept at catching my ejected guck with her spoon and slipping it right back into my mouth. And sometimes, before I realize what is happening, I swallow the darn stuff. It's not too bad, some of it, but I can't let her know that, or she might quit testing it for me with a spoonful in her own mouth first. It would be a shame if she were to quit making those weird faces and cute noises to show how much she just loves that yukky stuff. She can be so entertaining at times.
Today, it's time for the supreme effort. I've been trying for days, without success, to tip a bowl of mush onto the floor. I think I'm ready now for another go at it. It would really look interesting down there, and would probably splat up and about a bit, and that's sure to add to the effect. But what I'm really hoping for, is that a lot of it would splatter her feet.
Can you imagine the look that would put on her face? It's sure to be pure delight. But, more importantly, I've just got to get a message across to her about feet. She puts those strange critter things on my feet all the time. Aside from being much too warm, how would you like it if every time you kicked your feet in the air, it looked like a pair of critters were about to pounce on you?
Yes, today calls for an especially creative effort on my part. There just have to be some changes around here.
