X and I
by
Olof Wood
New licence plates had to be on my car by January. When I went to pick them up, I was given the letters AXR. I thought that "axer" would be an appropriate plate perhaps for a woodchopper, a lumberjack, or maybe even Lizzie Borden, but why did I get that combination?
After I got home, I realized that something very strange was happening. My old plate was EXN and the plates on the first car I had ever owned were BXG. Why does the letter X keep cropping up, protected on both side by other innocent letters? There appears to be a definite pattern here. With the many uses of the letter X, I got an eerie feeling just thinking about it. The X-Files came to mind. Is my car being marked with an X for some weird other-worldly purpose as depicted on this scary TV program? Is my car going to be X-rayed? Is my car X-rated?
Sometimes X shows that something is incorrect. But what could be wrong with my car? If "X marks the spot", what possible reasoncould there be for marking my car? Is my car special somehow? Many more thoughts crossed my mind. On election day we vote by marking our ballots with an X. Has my car been voted 'car of the year'? I know it's not the X we use in describing measurements such as 3' by 4', because B by G, E by N, and A by R isn't sensible. It couldn't be the sign of multiplication in arithmetic problems. B multiplied by G, or E times N, or A times R are completely meaningless.
If XL means extra large, maybe XG means extra Great, XN means extra Notable, XR means extra Remarkable. If X means extra, are my cars extraordinary, extra special, or just willing to go the extra mile?
After thinking about these possibilities, I began to believe that the X hasn't anything to do with my car; it's about me! I can sign myname, so it can't be the X for the signature of someone who can't write. In algebra and physical science, X is the first unknown quantity or variable. Am I considered an unknown quantity or am I variable? Which of the many meanings of variable apply to me? Do I assume different values while others remain constant? Am I adjustable and adaptable or just changeable and fickle?
The Roman numeral for ten is X. I think that's it! On a scale of I to X, I consistently rate an X. Now if I could just figure out what I'm being rated on!
After imagining all these things, I realized that I know what the real reason is. I get the letter X in my licence plates because I bear a strong resemblance to the portrait painted by John Singer Sargent titled "Madame X". My figure, especially, is almost a carbon copy of the famous Parisian beauty's. And if you believe that, here's a big X for you and this X symbolizes a kiss.