Hi Gran.
My future mother-in-law is running our lives. He's 53 , I'm a 46 year old widow. He's been living home with momma all his life. Now he's stuck. Momma is 88 years old and 80% blind. We can't go out - she won't stay with anyone. If we do go out we hear it for a week.
I do everything for her shopping, doctors, walks. I bend over backwards.
Momma saves everything,- bags all over she won't clean up or leave her apartment.
We can't get married cause of Momma and I'm starting to resent her as much as she resents me.
HELP!!!!
You seem to have joined him in his efforts to make his mother's life as comfortable as possible, but you resent it. That spoils it. I'll bet that no matter how far over backwards you bend, your boyfriend's mother knows that you resent her. The only way you can repair the damage is to do a complete turn around and begin enjoying the good you can do for this dear old lady. You will be an old lady yourself sooner than you can imagine. I hope nobody comes into your life who resents being a friend to you.
Make up your mind right now whether living with this man is worth the nuisance of having to be kind to his mother. If it isn't worth it, then go find yourself another man who has nobody else in his life - if you can. Most people gather friends and relatives and beloved parents through life and it seems wrong to me that you find it necessary to try to separate these two.
They need eachother. If you can't fit into that picture, just leave.
Truly yours,
GG