My daughter is six years old. Her father and I have been divorced since she was one and a half years old. Her father is in a different state. She only sees her father abut twice a year, he doesnt call in between. The last time she was going to visit him we drove the two hours to meet but she refused to go stay with her father. I didn't push the issue.
He said that he would come up here and visit her in her own home to make her more comfortable, but he called and cancelled. She was very upset and started having nightmares. He said that he would come up the next weekend but called to cancel again.
She has wet the bed twice for the first time in four years and is still having nightmares. He says he's coming again next week but I don't think she believes him - with good reason. I have made sure that I don't show any resentment towards her father, but I don't know what to do. I cant stand to see my daughter hurting. He doesn't believe me when I tell him she's having problems.
What do I do? Should I have her see a psychologist or will she just learn as she goes?
Whether he was living with you, as before, or apart, as now, he is an uncaring and irresponsible person. Your child knows this now and would love to think she had a wonderful father out there somewhere but she hasn't. You can get a psychologist to talk with her but honestly I think that might make things worse. She really doesn't need to have the errors of her father brought up before her by strangers. Let it be her own tragic secret and let her deal with it.
Wetting the bed is a nuisance. I hope you haven't made much of a to do about that. If there's a way you slip a waterproof sheet under the mattress cover, so she won't notice, you can preserve the mattress without drawing her attention.
Since her father has failed as a friend, she could use some other adults to rely on and lean on. Whatever you can do to introduce other adults into her life will help. It would be a shame if she came to mistrust all men just because of this one unreliable man. I hope you are taking her with you to interesting things - like movies for instance, picnics with other adults, and any other outings. There should be high points in her life, lots of things she looks forward to that really happen. Don't let those visits with her father become anything more than just unimportant episodes in an otherwise busy, eventful and exciting life.
I'm sure you get the picture. She should soon get over thinking of her father as anything but what he is - sometimes there and sometimes not. Memories of things that don't matter can be superceded with the adventure of the day. Let it be wonderful. Six is a magical age! Let hers be so.
Truly yours,
GG